I feel like these days I have been having all sorts of highs and lows. I mean seriously. I can be on top of the world one minute and in the depths of despair the next! That's okay. I think Clay is even getting used to it.
Low: I hate doctors! I really do. I have had some doctors help me a ton sure, actually not really. I can think of one doctor. Actually two. One helped me get much better from Lyme Disease, the other gave me an allergy shot. Both were great helps in my life. But for the most part, I despise doctors. At least the ones I've come in contact with. Doctors go to school for like 8 years, or 12 or something. So that makes them feel entitled and makes them think they know everything. And it makes them think they know more about diseases than you do, when they've never experienced them in their life. To me, a doctor telling me about Lyme not existing, is like me telling someone that has eaten a starfruit, that starfruits don't really exist, because I have never tasted one. All of this is to say, we encountered a doctor recently that told us that we probably never really had Lyme Disease, and that the doctor who treated us didn't follow the CDC (Centers for Disease Control) and that the CDC is a huge organization and anyone who doesn't trust that probably doesn't know what they are talking about. I didn't say this, because just trust me when I say it wasn't the right time, but I wanted to say- Yes, the CDC is so trustworthy that for years and years it fought Lyme specialists on the fact that they were grossly underreporting the amount of Lyme cases that occured each year. For years they said less than 30,000 cases of Lyme were occuring each year. And what do you know, the CDC came out with a huge statement just a few months ago that said, "Woops! We underreported by TEN TIMES! Meaning the more accurate report would be that there were 300,000 cases of Lyme JUST LAST YEAR!" Yep Mr. Doctor who knows all, that is your trusted CDC who underreported a horrible disease by ten times! No wonder it's not getting the research it should! But I didn't say any of that. We just moved on. But I'll tell you that this is the typical attitude of medical doctors and it makes my body have these awful feelings and my face has these awful twitches from trying to keep my mouth shut (when appropriate).
High: I love wearing scarfs again! See that picture? I like it because it shows two fall-y things that are quite nice. Scarf, and jean jacket. I have never been a jean jacket person. Never. One day I thought, I need a jean jacket. So I started looking for one. Target came through and had one that fit me like a button! I got it and it just makes me feel a bit more grown up. I'm not sure why...I think its just that I never used to buy things that are "staples" I just bought like, a super cute outfit or whatever. Nothing that could go with lots of things. I've been seeking staples a bit more these days. I think that's what makes me feel a bit more grown up.
Low: I not only still have fruit flies, but I also have a few buzzing flies around my kitchen. I am convinced God created flies of all kinds to try and test human beings. These flies can get me quite worked up...it's a trial. But I suppose God may have also created them to try and keep your house clean. My poor house. I just don't clean it enough.
High: Clay's book! This has been a big high. We have been so pleased and seriously thank you to everyone who is facebooking, pinteresting, buying, reviewing. We are so blessed! It is seriously so exciting. And to everyone who has read it, please leave a review on Amazon!!! And if you haven't read it, what are you waiting for?! Click HERE to get it!
Low: Call me a broken record, but when will I get to be a mom already? It really all comes back to this. It's a frustrating thing for me. I have moments of trusting in God's plan for me and I have moments of saying, "But wait- why me?" It is a vicious cycle. I am mostly okay. But I have found that every once in a while something that upsets me, that has nothing to do with even having a baby, can set me off in a wicked way that makes all emotions crashing down and I remember how much I hurt from all of my trials. Like, one day I asked Clay to go get some dinner for us and he didn't feel like it and he didn't and I BAWLED MY EYES OUT! ha! Seriously! Clay thought I was insane I'm pretty sure, but what the truth is....is it really wasn't about that. I think it was more of a "why can't anything go my way?!" type of cry. "Why do I have a dumb disease? Why can't I get pregnant? Why is it so hard for me to make dinner and clean my kitchen consistently?" type of thing. One that was just the extra push to make all my emotions come down. This doesn't happen too often (I don't think) but when it does it comes down hard and it is hard on me. But I always pull it together and am fine afterwards. Sunday's are always, always hard for me. I have been trying to snap out of this habitual emotional response I have. Where I sit and see babies and children and moms and families and I am sitting there alone. Even if I'm next to someone, I am still alone. Clay doesn't go to church these days because his immune system is still fragile and he gets sick everytime he goes. So I go to church and try my best to focus on the talks and things, but it is hard. Thank heavens for my new calling! I teach the 11 year old girls in primary and they are seriously heaven-sent. They are adorable and sweet and eager to learn and they are also great examples to me. I hope I am teaching them well.
High: I am going to Oregon in three days. YAY! Do you know how often I crave the ocean and sand? Often. I am so excited to spend time with my parents and smell the salty fish aroma in the air. It will be wonderful. Not to mention a whole week of sleeping in. Heaven.
Well, that is pretty much all I can think of. I am happy it's October and we are heading into the holidays. Holidays make me happy.