Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Quiet mornings

You know what? I've never totally considered myself a morning person because I hate getting up each morning. Well, with quite a bit time off at home lately (with the holidays) I have come to notice something. When I don't have to go in to work, I usually wake up at 8 or earlier, naturally. How backwards is that? Everyday I go to work it's like I wish I were dead because I don't want to get out of bed. I think really I just don't want to go to work.

So anyway, it's 8am here in the Phillipp household and I turned on the Christmas tree one last time for the year and am writing some quiet thoughts.

My pregnancy dreams are crazy. Last night I dreamt that my car stopped working, so I tried just in the parking lot to unlock my car and I saw somone elses car unlock, so I tried to see if my key would turn it on, and it did, so I took it! All of  a sudden down the road I thought, oh CRAP! What if I don't get back with my car part (cause like, I was going to fix it myself or something?) before the owner of this car is done working out?! (Cause I was at the gym) And then I was like, oh dear they would be so confused! I feel so bad! And what I keep wondering as I am awake is...why was my concern for their confusion...and not for the fact that I just stole a car? Well...I kept going anywho, thought I'd risk it I guess, and then suddenly, I FORGOT WHERE I TOOK THE CAR FROM. As in....I also forgot where my dead car was! So yeah that was really stressful. It never resolved.

The other night I dreampt that I had gotten Hugh Jackman out of the country illegally, and if I didn't make my court date ontime to prove that I was innocent, I would go to jail! Tom Habberford from Parks and Rec was helping me gather my evidence, and he was being so slow, and turns out- we weren't going to make it ontime! I knew what that meant, I needed to flee to Mexico. But I woke up so who knows the outcome of that.

Seriously, stressful dreams!

I am officially 11 weeks pregnant today. I hope that means that within a few weeks I will no longer get sick at night. Now, I feel silly even complaining- so I wont. Cause seriously, that's all that happens...night sickness. I don't even throw up! It is a bit irritating though...so hopefully it goes away :) But if it stayed, there could be worse things.

I'm going to complain for a bit. I am sick of people being so judgy towards others because of their clothes, hair, or freaking BODY. It's annoying. And I know I'm judging those who are judging so it's kind of ironic or whatever, but seriously...I get sick of it. I have this person on facebook who twice now has like openly judged styles and I think its rude. And arrogant. She clearly feels she is an authority on the matter and I really don't think ANYONE is an authority on the matter. I don't even think those people from "What not to wear" or "Fashion Police" or any of those shows are authorities on fashion. Okay- and the people of walmart website. I have to admit to you I have in the past looked on that site and giggled...but I always felt a bit guilty afterwards and I realize why now. Who freaking cares how people dress and why should I have the right to judge them for it? It's rude! Out of all the reasons to laugh at or put judgement on someone, why would I choose their looks? First off, I HATE when people say something like- did you see her lips? or her nose? Or their kids? Like- that is the worst. I hate when people just judge someones actual face or body that GOD GAVE THEM. Do you think he made a mistake? Do you think he appreciates you calling them ugly? Gosh. And as far as what we wear...if people like wearing crazy outfits, or pajamas, or unflattering things...I say, good for them! It doesn't hurt me, and I say, if they feel confident in something that I don't- good for them! Yeesh. I'm sorry- I'm just sick of this type of thing. I feel like it's so natural and normal for people to slap on a general judgement, and even specific judgement, about bodies and clothing and it does no good to the world. Can you imagine if you were a person that found yourself on a site dedicated to making fun of how people look? I would be devastated and feel humiliated for a very long time. I think people forget that we are all human beings with hearts and feelings. I'm choosing not to support these things anymore...and that's my rant for the day!

I'm excited for the new year. It will be good I just know it! Have a fun night everyone! And I probably wont blog till next year so...

ha ha...New years humor :)

PS- Clay says his Christmas diet (eating lots of crap) doesn't end until Jan 2. What? Don't good habits start on Jan 1? I say. He says, no no- he will have leftovers from New years Eve to eat on Jan 1...so best wait to start on Jan 2.

Thursday, December 26, 2013

Merry Christmas 2013

This was the way we announced our pregnancy on Christmas Eve this year! I put this on instagram and facebook, and I was exactly 10 weeks! We got so much love and comments and contrats it felt so good!

Christmas even night. I was so happy all day! I was literally just dancing around the house because I was so happy to be sharing the news with everyone. I'm so happy I'm pregnant! And so happy that people can know now!

It's crazy. Everyone told me that the pain would all be worth it when it finally happens, and it will all just be a memory when it's my turn. It was so hard to believe. Honestly, Clay and I both thought it wouldn't happen for us. We had been through so much pain and disappointment and when it comes to health, we felt like we never caught breaks! And figured this wouldn't be any different. I'm happy to say that the pain is gone and I am so happy. However, I do remember the pain very clearly. I still can look back on the hard times and I think that's what makes me so happy now. I remember very much how hard it was to go through what we did and still do. Which makes the aches and pains of pregnancy feel minimal.

I have felt so blessed these past few weeks. I have a baby in my belly! A baby with a beating heart! It's growing and I am just so happy this is happening to us! I feel so blessed to have a home. I feel so blessed to have food and clothing and more than I could ever need. I've been thinking a lot of our early marriage and how we had so little! I felt it was so hard back then, but really it wasn't. But I am really glad I have enough money to buy berries and fast food now :) I feel so blessed that Clay and I have jobs that provide for us and we have two families who love us both so much. We have amazing friends and so many wonderful people in our life. We have knowledge of the true and living gospel of Jesus Christ and we see his hand in our lives. I just can't believe how blessed we are!

I've always had the belief that life balances out...and that it can't all be good and it can't all be bad...but honestly my life felt quite out of balance for a while. I still had many good things but they were so hard to see when I had constant disappointments coming from so many angles. We still have our trials and we still have things that we will be fighting and dealing with our whole lives, but this blessing has opened my eyes to the balance of good and bad in our lives. I feel so much more positive and happy. I'm finally headed in the direction I knew I was always meant to go.

Merry Christmas! Can't wait to start the most exciting year of our lives!

Pregnancy 2

Well, to update from last time...I am DEFINITELY PREGNANT!

At six weeks exactly I got an ultrasound and there was a fetal pole, a gestational sac, a yolk, but no heartbeat. The doctor wasn't worried at all but I was terrified! Lots of women hear their baby's heartbeat at six weeks so I was so worried. We made an appt for two weeks later and I got that ultrasound last week.

We saw our little baby and its heart beating away! It was beating so fast and was totally a baby! There was a head, a body, and even an eye socket! Crazy!

Right now I am about 9 weeks along and so far I have definitely had some  nausea. I have not ever gotten MORNING sickness. More so afternoon and night sickness. I am more tired than normal I think but I think my biggest symptom is my insane emotions. I am not very patient and very irritable! Oh well. I told Clay that I have two hearts in me so that is twice the emotional response :)

I'm still nervous as heck but after seeing the heart beating away I am much more hopeful and calm about it all.

We are both so excited! YAY! I am due July 22. Woohoo!

Pregnancy 1

Well, today I got my first ever positive pregnancy test.

There I was, sitting on the toilet, waiting my three minutes, assuming it would be negative, and I glanced over after a minute and saw a faint faint line. I did a double take! I still had two minutes so I thought, okay you may be seeing things, just wait and look again. I looked at the end of three minutes and there was a definite second line, indicating I was in fact, pregnant! AGH!

I immediately got nervous that it was wrong somehow. My first instinct was, should I tell Clay yet? Should I take another test? What if this is a false positive, and I am one of those rare exceptions? What if I have a chemical pregnancy? I just know how hard its been to get pregnant, and I was too scared to believe it was actually happening.

My alarm started going off in our bedroom and I had to run in and shut it off. I said sorry to Clay who was in bed and then I said, "Hun?" in my nervous tone...he asked what was wrong, and I said, "I took a pregnancy test....and it says I'm pregnant." He hopped out of bed and said "Let me look" (he said he was worried I was reading it wrong and didn't want me to get my hopes up) and he looked and we both were just like....shell shocked.

So today is where I'm at and Clay says I should write everything down that I'm feeling.

I was convinced I wasn't pregnant, which I think is why I am so nervous I am really not. I have been having some achey joints, which happens before my period, I have been SEVERELY emotional. Like, a lot! I have had a night sweat. My boobs hurt. But a few things that have been different are I have been really really clumsy, my lips have been severely dry, and I suppose I have been more emotional than normal PMS I think. I've also had tons of vivid dreams, which is very strange for me.

I just assumed it was all PMS, especially the joints hurting thing, but I suppose that could happen when I get pregnant too.

I'm ecstatic, I'm nervous, I'm scared, I'm happy, I'm everything.

Tomorrow I am going to go in and take a blood test to confirm it because I think until that happens I wont fully believe it. We are debating telling the family today or waiting until the blood test is taken. I guess we'll see what we decide!

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Weather is a funny funny thing

I always have been a girl that wishes to live in the heat. Which is just so funny. Seriously- in high school I talked often about going to BYU-Hawaii, and surfing the waves, doing homework on the sand...what a dream! Well Heavenly Father decided to give me strict inspiration that the exact OPPOSITE should be my fate. Rexburg, ID. I remember the brochure said that the average degrees in the winter semester (my starting point) was 13 degrees. I think I thought, "Hmmm that sounds exciting!"

Well clearly the inspiration fate thing was meant to be because in that cold wicked wind on the hill I met my dear husband and you know the rest.

For years we both said, "to California!" after graduation. But graduation came and went and we stayed here.

We've often talked of California but usually on the perfect Idaho summer nights, and the nice fall months, I would say to Clay, "You know, I might just be fine living here the rest of my life". And I don't know why I always truly believe that. Because without fail about this time of year, some dreadful number shows up on my dash showing the degrees outside and I scream my way to work "WHY?! WHY IS LIFE SO COLD!" and I swear up and down that I could never stay here my whole life! NEVER!

I got home from work yesterday (and it was only like 20 degrees or something even! That's just so hot!) and I expressed my pains. He understood.

Well, it's funny how your perspective can change from pain and sadness, to death wishes.

This morning the power went off and affected over 50,000 people in southeastern Idaho! And guess what?! It's still not on! It's been over 5 hours! And they estimate it could take 4-6 more hours! I will tell you that when I got out of bed it was freezing cold in my house! I decided to look at my phone to tell me how many degrees it is outside. NEGATIVE EIGHT! No wonder we were shivering!

I was informed that work did still, indeed, have power. So...that means I still had to go to work! BLEH! So I got ready and headed out and wait a titch! The garage door doesn't open cause it opens on POWER! What's a girl to do?! Text my coworker, she tells me how to do it manually, and we are out! My nose hairs are freezing! Literally! It happens!

I got to work and felt the heat and I will not lie to you, it was quite the relief.

Clay's work did not have power today. So he was stuck home in the cold...wondering if life would ever be the same.

He just called and informed me that he is heading to his parents! They have power and he can't handle the cold in the house anymore!

I asked him if he was taking Dante and he scoffed at me saying, "Yeah...I'm just going to leave him, good luck Dante! Keep warm!"...well, I was just asking!

So, my friends. Wish us luck that we do, indeed, get our power back. Because it can be dreadful without it.

Also, my gas light is on...and the gas stations I passed on the way to work had no lights on their things...so...I need luck in all sorts of places.

PS. How did pioneers survive? How? I am so grateful for 1) indoor plumbing and 2) heat. I mean really.