Saturday Morning thoughts

Well, I have to tell you, I am getting SO excited to plant my garden this year! I loved having it last year and I learned SO much about things I liked and didn't like. For instance, I LOVE cherry tomatoes, but I HATE picking them. I mean for realsies, that plant went INSANE with hundreds of cherry tomatoes and it was just a pain to me!!!

Also, zuchinni was a waste of space! For my family at least. Clayton doesn't really like zuchinni, and I don't love it enough to eat out the BAZILLION zuchinnis that came...it was hard to keep up on. Give them to your neighbors! You may say. Well here's the thing about this area, EVERYONE has zuchinnis coming out of their ears...so its pointless. I'll just take some from my neighbors instead :) Also, that danged plant took up the majority of the box! No thanks!

I loved having lettuce. I also loved the bell peppers and carrots. The onions flopped, which I don't even know why I planted onions cause we sure don't go through them a lot. The cabbage was way cool, but kind of a lot of effort and space for ONE harvest.

I'm still trying to figure out exactly what I want to plant this year. I'm pretty positive there will be snap peas, lettuce, spinach, kale, tomato, carrots, bell pepper, MAYBE green beans...I've got to just map it out and see. I'm still sticking with my two 4x4's, maybe if this year is super successful I will expand next year.

I really need to clean up the area cause its kind of become a mess. It's funny how moms just know better in so many things. My mom said to me last year about a spot in my yard, well you may want to do it this way because this is a nice spot for flowers that you may decide to plant sometime in the future. I just brushed it off and thought, YEAH RIGHT. Flowers over here? Too much work. Now I'm looking at my yard and thinking, oh, flowers would be so nice along that fence! Mother knows best, Danielle.

Clayton and I care more and more about our house and yard each year. Patty tells me its because we finally decided to live in our house, and stop thinking about moving. I disagree. I think its because our bodies have felt healthier and more capable each year since we've lived here. We finally have the ABILITY to do things! We have the energy in our minds and hearts to care about things other than our aching bodies. It's so nice to have interests. I was reading something the other day about how our life can only do so many things or be interested in so many things before certain criteria are met. The first criteria is like, house/food/clothing. The second is health, physical capacity. Then it goes on to hobbies, and other things. It really lit a light bulb for me because I just always wondered so many times when Clayton and I were trying so hard to get well, how did people have the energy to do all these things? I know you'd think it'd be logical and like, duh. But in the moment it just doesn't feel that way. Looking back I am like- DUH! But in the moment I just didn't know why people even cared. I thought, seriously what a waste of time to work on your yard so hard. Or I thought, that just isn't priority for me...I'd rather spend my time doing something else. Now that my physical health is so much better, I get so excited to fix up our house and yard! So does Clayton. How refreshing :)

Are you wondering all the things I'd like to do to improve our house? I'll tell you :) Number one on my list is a PATIO! Ah! How I'd love a patio in our backyard! But patios cost money, and incase you forgot, we are having a baby here soon...so its hard to justify spending large sums of money on things that aren't needed when you just never know if we may be needing that for baby complications or what not.

With a patio comes a back door from our dining room to the backyard. Right now there is a window. And in order to get to the backyard, we have to go through our garage. It's just a pain. Not horrid or anything, but it would be nice to just go out from the house. You know, luxuries.

Other items include: soft water tank, sprinkler system, re-sod our backyard (it is sooooo lumpy and has random dips all over the place. I kinda worry for our little tyke when he starts running around cause it kinda could break someones leg if they weren't careful- hey maybe I just found an excuse that made this a NEED?? hehe), granite counter tops for kitchen and bathrooms, and new baseboards and crown molding. The counter tops and molding are kinda like WAY last priority cause its just cosmetics really. But boy would they make the house look nice!

In other news, I have been having braxton hicks contractions! Its pretty frustrating. Because you know, apparently you should stop what you are doing (like working out) until they stop. So...its just not the greatest being limited. Also I was getting them in bed last night, so I had to roll out of bed (not a fun activity) and stand and walk around our bedroom. I really don't think I've been much of a complainer yet in this pregnancy, and the thing is...I feel very complainy these days. I feel so uncomfortable and squished! I don't logically understand how this baby is going to gain potentially 4-7 more pounds! Where will he go? He is already punching my ribs all day long trying to stretch out! Its amazing what our bodies are capable of.

Today I am making a fudge truffle cheesecake. Anyone whose made this knows the love that goes into it. Its a massive amount of bowls and what not. Well I have to tell you also that I am such a cheesecake snob. I mean, unless its from the cheesecake factory, or homemade by myself or a sister (don't really think my mom makes cheesecakes), or of course the master herself, GRANDMA, its just not good. I'm sorry- but so many people are so satisfied with fake cheesecake. That's all I can figure that it is, fake. Cause its like trying really hard and there must be cream cheese in it or something but it really just tastes disgusting and not even worth my sugar intake. People don't get this about me. Except maybe my sisters and mom and grandma. I really just think most people don't know how to make proper cheesecakes. I wonder if they use shortcuts, or just don't use the right recipes, or what. All I know is I've tasted far superior cheesecakes than the majority of people in (dare I say it?) the WORLD. I really believe that too.

Alright, well this has been a sufficiently long and random post. I'm guessing only Megan will read it at some point because we are pretty much the only ones who blog and read blogs anymore :) Love ya Megan!

Lyme Pregnancy Woes

Every time someone asks me how I'm feeling, I say honestly- "Great!"

I really have been SO so blessed with this pregnancy. No complications, no extra pains or worries, the baby kicks all the time, all my levels and hormones are on point, everything is as it should be.

I am so lucky!

I have been exercising, and eating very healthy this week. I ate sweet potatoes, avocados, lots of veggies, green smoothies, berries, oats, some homemade whole wheat bread, things like that.

Well, yesterday I woke up feeling exhausted. So so tired. And not even just tired. My legs were heavy, my arms were heavy, and suddenly I flashed back to Thanksgiving of 2010 when I truly realized, something is wrong with me...this isn't normal. My body felt like it did when I was in the throws of fighting Lyme. Every movement was such an effort. I felt weak, and like I could just lay my head down and fall asleep and not do anything and be completely satisfied.

It worried me.

I thought, why am I feeling this way? I have been so healthy!

A couple thoughts came to mind...though I had been healthy, my diet was SEVERELY lacking in protein. Also, the day before I had worked, gone to the gym, gone grocery shopping, unloaded and put away lots of groceries, did dinner, cleaned kitchen, made bread, and by the time I was done it was 9:30. I THINK the reason of that heavy day was that I was working hard and not feeding my body enough protein. So yesterday night I ate a meaty spaghetti at Patty's, I ate a bunch of lara bars (not super high in protein but has some) and rested, and this morning I woke up feeling renewed. My body doesn't feel heavy anymore! (Even though at the doctors office the scale tipped way higher than I've ever seen before!) What a relief.

The fear still remains though. I worry all the time that it is coming back for me and Clay. I worry that I will experience what I've read about for so many women with Lyme...that they have FANTASTIC pregnancies, much like me, and as soon as they have the baby the Lyme comes swooshing back in their lives with an even greater force than before. That as soon as I have a baby to care for, my body will feel heavy and tired again, and what if I'm not enough?!

These thoughts terrify me.

Then, today at the doctors appointment, I asked about testing the baby for Lyme. It was met with not the best reaction...but I need to do more research on this to help back me up and help me decide what the best route to take is anyway.

What if my baby has Lyme?

Yes, I am the luckiest. I am so blessed. I have had an amazing pregnancy! But. I have these special little fears that no one would even know to ask about. I may feel great, but it doesn't take away the fear of what's to come.

I AM the luckiest though. I AM so blessed. Even if all these worst case scenarios happen, I KNOW what to do. I KNOW what it is. I will understand why its happening! Just think of all those poor women and babies that this happens to that don't understand. I am so lucky and so blessed that I have the knowledge I do and that I have been through what I have so that I can fight whatever comes my way! And as with everything, I have the Lord on my side, and he will help me through anything.

I know I can do it. No matter what it is. I will handle it, and my body is capable. I know the power and strength my body can have and I WILL be the best mother for my child.

Alright, good pep talk!