I just finished reading this incredibly inspiring book. I LOVED IT. Seriously never have I laughed out loud so much, and then pages later have tears in my eyes. After reading it I'm more inspired to love others, and follow Christ. The author is so incredibly real, and honest about her faults (which are totally relatable) and it just really was a great read.
So anyway, even before I read this book, I've been inspired. Inspired to do all sorts of things. This book just helped me along.
I've said it before, and I'll say it again...and this time, I really seem to be serious. I need to write a book. About my experience and journey with Lyme. Sigh. It's heavy, and hard...but important. So, I've been writing. I have actually written quite a bit! It's really hard though, and most of the time I think, "Who's going to want to read this crap?!" But my honest to goodness goal in this, is to have some sort of affect on people like the book above had on me. I want people to see that through hard trials, they can find hope. And hopefully, they can find joy in the journey. And even better, find God. I don't know. Or they might just find a bunch of depressing stupidity that isn't even inspiring at all. Either way, I'm trying.
I'm inspired to be better in the kitchen. Do you know I somehow have this reputation for cooking a lot? Well...I don't know. I have no idea how people get this impression. I guess because every time I DO cook, I take a picture and brag about it. But the thing is, those are literally the only times I cook. I unfortunately get a lot of take-out, and a lot of like...snacks. It's just sad really. I have all these beautiful cookbooks that sit with dust because I'm too lazy or scared to try them out! I also have these amazing cooking tools- like for instance. ICE-CREAM MAKER! I got this like...two years ago maybe? I don't know. All I know is I haven't even gotten it out of the box! I WANT TO MAKE ICE CREAM! I just haven't.
I am starting, yet again, a new website! Ha! It's called "CookBook Reviewed". It's going to be all about me making my way through different cookbooks, reviewing them (based off recipes I've tried in them), along with reviewing and talking about all these awesome cooking appliances/tools that I use. So, hopefully it will help me be more daring and exciting in the kitchen. Eh? We'll see.
Overall, life is amazing. I seriously thank Heavenly Father every single day for blessing me with such an amazing life. I don't know what I did to deserve this moment in time, but it is very good and I am trying to soak it all in. I wake up, hang with Asher, WHO by the way, is literally the cutest human being to ever grace the earth. I truly believe that. I just don't think it is possible at all that there's ever been a cuter baby. And he makes me SO happy. Clay and I are both self-employed and building up successful businesses. We are trying new things, and constantly trying to improve, and it feels really good. I was telling my mom how I just feel so happy right now, and she said, "Well, it's your turn. You can't have it bad all the time." or something. And yeah that's true I suppose.
I just feel like I still have a lot of random trials. But different perspective. It's like...I have some serious issues that are really annoying and I could completely get depressed about them but I just think it's not worth it. For instance, my jaw is so messed up. Did you know this? Probably not. Slowly over the years, my jaw alignment has been getting more and more stuck. It constantly pops (which is painful) and gets stuck. I previously had to wriggle it one way or another to get it unstuck. Well, a few months ago I had some major dental work done...8 cavities or something, along with a root canal. My mouth was open for hours, and ever since, my jaw had been so so so much worse. I cannot open it very wide at all. Most food is really hard to eat. All crunchy food hurts my jaw with every bite. I literally can't open my mouth wide enough to eat even a banana without cutting it up into small pieces. I hurt everytime I yawn. Most nights my jaw just aches as I am going to bed. It's an issue.
Then there's my feet. My freaking feet. Oh my gosh.
After my pregnancy I found that my feet hurt all. the. time. And by hurt, I don't mean like...oh I'm so tired at the end of the day. No. I mean the second they touched the floor, extreme pain. If I worked out, I was limping. After months of this, I finally went to a podiatrist, who x-rayed me and diagnosed me with "fallen arches", or "plantar faschitis". I forked out hundreds of dollars and got orthotic inserts...to which then did nothing for weeks and had me TERRIFIED that I wasted our money, and that I was doomed to pained feet the rest of my life, and wouldn't be able to do my exercise classes which really help my entire LIFE! Well, I'm really happy to say, after over a month of wearing these danged orthotics...I am not in pain after working out. My feet still get pain way sooner than they used to...but they are much better than they were a few weeks ago, and for that I am grateful.
Also. Did you know I suffer from acid reflux? I have for years. It's a serious problem. And by serious I mean it has gotten insanely out of hand the past few months. If I eat pizza, I will wake up in the middle of the night and be in so much pain it is hard to breath, swallow, and really live. ha! Usually the system is, I wake up, beg to Heavenly Father to take it away, and sit in pain for 2-3 hours until it simmers. Well...the past few times, I have been in so much pain I throw up. It's awful. I hate it. So...now I don't eat pizza. And I've also ruled out lasagna (which unfortunately I made freezer meals and have a bunch more lasagna in there...), yogurt, milk, and basically lots of cheesy greasy things. It's really annoying. But manageable I think.
Then there's my adult acne. Blah. It will never leave me. I'm convinced. Acne for life. Woohoo!
And then...if we are being 100% here. Which we are, we want to have another baby. And the process of getting pregnant here is not so simple. Trying to get back on antibiotics proved to be insanely harder than I anticipated. Having the stress and reminder that, no Danielle. Lyme is not gone. It is always a part of you. Remember those achey joints I still give you every now and then? Remember these risks you still have? I am still here. So not fun.
But I don't spell all these out to like...feel sorry for myself. Truth is, I really don't. It's like...I really feel like everyone has crappy things in their life. No one has it the same. And even if we DO have it the same on the outside, in writing, its never the same on the inside. But the fact is, life is hard. No matter what. Life can just be really hard and have a lot of annoying things in it...but it doesn't mean you have a bad life. And it surely doesn't mean you did anything to deserve it. It doesn't mean you are worse off, and it doesn't mean you are being punished. It's just life.
I feel like I've learned that life is NOT fair. It just isn't. And God gives us hard things, because we can handle hard things. It makes us grow, and learn, and gain compassion. I feel like since I've learned the simple fact that life is hard, and THAT'S OKAY...its been much easier to deal with the hard.
I have these random annoying trials that truly do cause me a lot of pain and panic sometimes, but I always come back to, it's okay. All will be well. It always ends up okay in the end. And it really always does.
So anyway, that was a long rant. But, that's my life right now. Till next time!