Tuesday, April 7, 2015

Inspired

I just finished reading this incredibly inspiring book. I LOVED IT. Seriously never have I laughed out loud so much, and then pages later have tears in my eyes. After reading it I'm more inspired to love others, and follow Christ. The author is so incredibly real, and honest about her faults (which are totally relatable) and it just really was a great read. 

So anyway, even before I read this book, I've been inspired. Inspired to do all sorts of things. This book just helped me along. 

I've said it before, and I'll say it again...and this time, I really seem to be serious. I need to write a book. About my experience and journey with Lyme. Sigh. It's heavy, and hard...but important. So, I've been writing. I have actually written quite a bit! It's really hard though, and most of the time I think, "Who's going to want to read this crap?!" But my honest to goodness goal in this, is to have some sort of affect on people like the book above had on me. I want people to see that through hard trials, they can find hope. And hopefully, they can find joy in the journey. And even better, find God. I don't know. Or they might just find a bunch of depressing stupidity that isn't even inspiring at all. Either way, I'm trying. 

I'm inspired to be better in the kitchen. Do you know I somehow have this reputation for cooking a lot? Well...I don't know. I have no idea how people get this impression. I guess because every time I DO cook, I take a picture and brag about it. But the thing is, those are literally the only times I cook. I unfortunately get a lot of take-out, and a lot of like...snacks. It's just sad really. I have all these beautiful cookbooks that sit with dust because I'm too lazy or scared to try them out! I also have these amazing cooking tools- like for instance. ICE-CREAM MAKER! I got this like...two years ago maybe? I don't know. All I know is I haven't even gotten it out of the box! I WANT TO MAKE ICE CREAM! I just haven't. 

So.

I am starting, yet again, a new website! Ha! It's called "CookBook Reviewed". It's going to be all about me making my way through different cookbooks, reviewing them (based off recipes I've tried in them), along with reviewing and talking about all these awesome cooking appliances/tools that I use. So, hopefully it will help me be more daring and exciting in the kitchen. Eh? We'll see. 

Overall, life is amazing. I seriously thank Heavenly Father every single day for blessing me with such an amazing life. I don't know what I did to deserve this moment in time, but it is very good and I am trying to soak it all in. I wake up, hang with Asher, WHO by the way, is literally the cutest human being to ever grace the earth. I truly believe that. I just don't think it is possible at all that there's ever been a cuter baby. And he makes me SO happy. Clay and I are both self-employed and building up successful businesses. We are trying new things, and constantly trying to improve, and it feels really good. I was telling my mom how I just feel so happy right now, and she said, "Well, it's your turn. You can't have it bad all the time." or something. And yeah that's true I suppose. 

I just feel like I still have a lot of random trials. But different perspective. It's like...I have some serious issues that are really annoying and I could completely get depressed about them but I just think it's not worth it. For instance, my jaw is so messed up. Did you know this? Probably not. Slowly over the years, my jaw alignment has been getting more and more stuck. It constantly pops (which is painful) and gets stuck. I previously had to wriggle it one way or another to get it unstuck. Well, a few months ago I had some major dental work done...8 cavities or something, along with a root canal. My mouth was open for hours, and ever since, my jaw had been so so so much worse. I cannot open it very wide at all. Most food is really hard to eat. All crunchy food hurts my jaw with every bite. I literally can't open my mouth wide enough to eat even a banana without cutting it up into small pieces. I hurt everytime I yawn. Most nights my jaw just aches as I am going to bed. It's an issue. 

Then there's my feet. My freaking feet. Oh my gosh. 

After my pregnancy I found that my feet hurt all. the. time. And by hurt, I don't mean like...oh I'm so tired at the end of the day. No. I mean the second they touched the floor, extreme pain. If I worked out, I was limping. After months of this, I finally went to a podiatrist, who x-rayed me and diagnosed me with "fallen arches", or "plantar faschitis". I forked out hundreds of dollars and got orthotic inserts...to which then did nothing for weeks and had me TERRIFIED that I wasted our money, and that I was doomed to pained feet the rest of my life, and wouldn't be able to do my exercise classes which really help my entire LIFE! Well, I'm really happy to say, after over a month of wearing these danged orthotics...I am not in pain after working out. My feet still get pain way sooner than they used to...but they are much better than they were a few weeks ago, and for that I am grateful. 

Also. Did you know I suffer from acid reflux? I have for years. It's a serious problem. And by serious I mean it has gotten insanely out of hand the past few months. If I eat pizza, I will wake up in the middle of the night and be in so much pain it is hard to breath, swallow, and really live. ha! Usually the system is, I wake up, beg to Heavenly Father to take it away, and sit in pain for 2-3 hours until it simmers. Well...the past few times, I have been in so much pain I throw up. It's awful. I hate it. So...now I don't eat pizza. And I've also ruled out lasagna (which unfortunately I made freezer meals and have a bunch more lasagna in there...), yogurt, milk, and basically lots of cheesy greasy things. It's really annoying. But manageable I think.

Then there's my adult acne. Blah. It will never leave me. I'm convinced. Acne for life. Woohoo!

And then...if we are being 100% here. Which we are, we want to have another baby. And the process of getting pregnant here is not so simple. Trying to get back on antibiotics proved to be insanely harder than I anticipated. Having the stress and reminder that, no Danielle. Lyme is not gone. It is always a part of you. Remember those achey joints I still give you every now and then? Remember these risks you still have? I am still here. So not fun. 

But I don't spell all these out to like...feel sorry for myself. Truth is, I really don't. It's like...I really feel like everyone has crappy things in their life. No one has it the same. And even if we DO have it the same on the outside, in writing, its never the same on the inside. But the fact is, life is hard. No matter what. Life can just be really hard and have a lot of annoying things in it...but it doesn't mean you have a bad life. And it surely doesn't mean you did anything to deserve it. It doesn't mean you are worse off, and it doesn't mean you are being punished. It's just life. 

I feel like I've learned that life is NOT fair. It just isn't. And God gives us hard things, because we can handle hard things. It makes us grow, and learn, and gain compassion. I feel like since I've learned the simple fact that life is hard, and THAT'S OKAY...its been much easier to deal with the hard. 

I have these random annoying trials that truly do cause me a lot of pain and panic sometimes, but I always come back to, it's okay. All will be well. It always ends up okay in the end. And it really always does. 

So anyway, that was a long rant. But, that's my life right now. Till next time!

8 comments:

  1. First off I love you. I can't believe you posted an hour ago, I want to call you- but it's late where you live. Second- you should totally write that book and I get why you hesitate the purpose- but FOR REAL- imagine if you read ANY book about some girl dealing with lyme that came out with a positive attitude? Would you NOT being wanting to read that? Let's pretend it doesn't even end happy- wouldn't you still feel confirmation of your pain and not feel ALONE in it? That is huge. When I miscarried- the ONLY people that didn't PISS ME OFF or make it completely worse were people that had miscarried themselves. They never even said much- they just looked me in the eyes and I knew they knew what I felt and just like that- I wasn't alone in my pain and it made a big difference. I think your book would be like that. Something people could read so they don't feel alone. And since you are happy it would give them HOPE. I really think you would be so surprised. I can't imagine having to relive it in your head so much- but I think when it's done and out there to help people, and just documented for yourself- I think you will be so glad. And so will a lot of other people. I LOVE YOU!!!! I think you must be the strongest person ever and when I read about your trials I felt like the weakest person ever. If you want cookbook recommendations- BEST BITES are good alone with The New Best Recipe and Bob's redmill has some surprising ones, as well. Even the Best 30 Minute Recipe is really so good! And not intimidating 'cause it's meant to be simple. Of course there's mine- Ha! I am totally joking :) Well, I think you're awesome and I wish I lived by you so we could hang out. Don't feel bad about cookbooks and icecream makers. I would take it back if it was me. It is so much more expensive to MAKE icecream than just BUY IT. And it never seems to be the right texture. That was OUR experience. It's so much easier and yummier to just go buy your favorite brand. Well, I love you. I hope you write that book. If you ever want anyone to proof it- I love to read and wouldn't mind a bit.

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  2. I just got this vision of you on the TODAY show talking about your sensational book that swept the nation!

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  3. what a wonderful post. I love you so much. I feel like both you and megan try really hard to be better than you were the day before. And because of that you are both really amazing people. I love you so much and am so proud of you. I wish i could say more but my eagle talons are really limiting me! ha. i love you and finish your book! Follow your inspirations!

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  4. and i'm sorry for your annoying trials. i hate annoying trials. sometimes the "smaller" ones are harder than the "hard" ones, because the hard ones you can say "ok there's a purpose for this, what am i supposed to learn", where as having adult acne it'd be alot more tempting to say- "WHY?!!!!" and be upset. p;oint being-"small trials" are so annoying too, and hard, and i'm sorry you have them :( and i'm glad you are having a good attitude about them.

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  5. Wow! I wish I wouldn't realized you posted!!! Email us like Meg does! Love this post. So sad for you about the jaw and acid reflux. I had no idea!!! That you can be up for a few hours in pain?!! You really don't complain at all. All this time talking on the phone and you never told me! Lillie has bad jaw problems and mine has just barely barley started popping and randomly getting stuck? So weird. I'm so sorry! I know none of this was so we'd feel sorry for you but I love that you just said it all and it still felt like the happiest most hopeful loving post. You should definitely write the book. Especially after reading what Meg commented. She's so right. Miss u. Ur such an inspiration to everyone. For sure to me. : )

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  6. Lizzie's right, we are all so out of the habit of blogging its hard to remember to blog, or check the blogs. I am so grateful you put all that out there. Life is hard. I think one of the biggest things trials have taught me is to not judge others. you never know what is going on in peoples lives that make them do the things they do or don't do. I know sometimes I just cant do certain things and I can't really talk about it. I know things don't look "fair" on the outside and it kills me that I can't explain why I am doing what I am doing. If I tried it would all come out wrong anyway. So we suffer in silence. I don't know it that is good or bad. I wonder when this life is all over if we will realize we should have been more open like you just were. If someone is in pain physically like Amy's cancer, people come and rally around you and buoy you up. Pains of the heart are just as bad in some ways and we usually keep those to ourselves. or even all the stuff you just said. I think it is great that you are writing a book. And I think it is great you are doing your cookbook blog. You are an amazing woman!! love you soooooo much!

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  7. Lizzie's right, we are all so out of the habit of blogging its hard to remember to blog, or check the blogs. I am so grateful you put all that out there. Life is hard. I think one of the biggest things trials have taught me is to not judge others. you never know what is going on in peoples lives that make them do the things they do or don't do. I know sometimes I just cant do certain things and I can't really talk about it. I know things don't look "fair" on the outside and it kills me that I can't explain why I am doing what I am doing. If I tried it would all come out wrong anyway. So we suffer in silence. I don't know it that is good or bad. I wonder when this life is all over if we will realize we should have been more open like you just were. If someone is in pain physically like Amy's cancer, people come and rally around you and buoy you up. Pains of the heart are just as bad in some ways and we usually keep those to ourselves. or even all the stuff you just said. I think it is great that you are writing a book. And I think it is great you are doing your cookbook blog. You are an amazing woman!! love you soooooo much!

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    1. I have a lot of trouble with my joints, I have bursitis and a lot of other things that make pain. I am a lot older than you, and you are so young to be having so many trials. It is hard to have acid reflux, I have had it for years, however there are pills for it, and you should try some of them. Most are over the counter. My feet have neuropthy in both and I have very little feeling left in either one of them. I agree that life is hard, and I think you should totally write that book. It is true that life is sometimes very hard. YOu are an amazing young woman, and I am so proud to call you my Granddaughter. I pray that you can get pregnant again, and I will pray that your book will get written and published. I love you so much. I love how much you love Asher, and take such good care of him. Plus you have such a wonderful time and love him so much. I love you so much and you just keep on, keeping on and you will get there. Sending you hugs.

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