Sometimes I realize I am such a dreamer.
I have so many dreams.
Today I almost bawled my eyes out because I felt so lost. I felt like...what am I doing? I feel like something is missing. What's wrong? Something is out of place. Within my SOUL!
Well.
I went to yoga tonight for the first time in AGES. I went because my danged feet are ridiculous and their arches have fallen and balh blah blah...they hurt all the time. End of story. Point is- I went to yoga because of a lesser strain on the feet you know? Well I was there and kept thinking- WHY HAVE I GONE SO LONG WITHOUT YOGA! Do you not remember you are freaking inlove with yoga? That it centers you? That it belongs in your life?!?!! Namaste.
Dreams came souring back to me that I used to have. I used to yoga at least twice a week. It was brilliant! I remember dreaming of becoming a yoga instructor. How amazing would that be! Ah!
I dream of CREATING and people consuming of my work and it making their life happier. I love to create! I love pretty things. I want to make pretty things. I love to create pretty spaces. Ugh.
Another dream. I dream of having the perfect house that has everything I want in it...but I just never have enough money to do that. Slow and steady I guess.
I REALLY dream have having a house full of little children just running around in happiness while their parents are home working away, playing with them, creating, and loving every second! I think that will happen one way or the other.
Seriously, I was in quite the slumps earlier, and one session of yoga turned me around. See why I need it more in my life? I MUST DO THAT MORE.
In other news- Asher is quite literally the cutest baby that ever lived. Oh, he gets me. Here's one thing though...he is SERIOUSLY dramatic. Like, I am pretty positive he is wayyyy more dramatic than any other baby I've ever seen. He is really getting down the fake cry and its kinda hilarious. I actually love it when he's dramatic. I bet I wont when he's older...but right now, he's so funny. He also has gotten into this great habit of pooping about 30 minutes after I put him down for a nap. Like, every time. Which wakes him up for good. It's awesome!
Alrighty, till next time.
The poop nap thing! SO BEEN THERE! Brighton, would always poop after I put him down. So I started WAITING to put him down till he pooped, but then he never would. It was like, he wouldn't get down to it, 'till he had the time to relax or something. It was the worst. It was last year. ANYWAY. Sorry life has been sucking a bit. I so know how that feels! I was feeling pretty depressed for a good month and then I had a SERIOUS breakdown! Considering "maybe we should move home and Greg be a cop again?!" And after a good session of tears in my room, alone- suddenly I feel better now. I don't know what it is about my SERIOUS breakdowns, that suddenly get me back in the game again? I mean- what is that? Why do I have to feel my lowest before I can feel better again?! It's happened before. It's hard to keep yourself in check when you have other people that depend on you for everything and you can't say, "No, I have to finish my breakfast. No, I need to finish sleeping. No, I still have to run for 10 minutes." It just doesn't work out. Mothers. They are the casualties of parenting. OK. That sounded dramatic. But I'm glad you got some YOGA and it made you feel better. I love you.
ReplyDeleteAnd Asher really is cute. I have always thought so. He ranks right up there with my kids :)
ReplyDeleteoh my gosh the pooping!!! that's awful! I'm so sorry! I have known you are a dreamer for awhile. I was just thiking that today actually when I saw your post about the head things on esty, and I thought- here she is, with a new baby and still taking the time to make things and sell them. You are a dreamer, a creator, a doer. And you make beautiful things!!!! And you are so good it! I thinkh if you make sure to take the time to continue to create you will be very happy person. The perfect house. It's hard. It's hard to be patient and enjoy what we have today. And I know you love what you have now, but it's just so hard to wait for the other things we want too! Lots of kids running around, I think it will happen :) I love you.
ReplyDeleteAnd feeling lost and down, you should call me! Unless you like to be alone in those moments, but if you ever need to cry to me and vent, I will listen and be there for you! I love you! i hate to think of you alone crying, feeling lost. love you
ReplyDeleteGreat blog. I am glad you figured out that you need yoga. I need to walk on the beach. I have been low the last two days and it has been too stormy to walk. As I started to write this I realized that is why I have been down. Walking on the beach centers me. Hopefully it will be better tomorrow. I can see you with little kids running all over the house! And yes Asher is REALLY cute!!!! I feel cheated that all my grandbabies don't get to know me. I love that you create beautiful things. I love you!!!
ReplyDeleteGreat blog. I am glad you figured out that you need yoga. I need to walk on the beach. I have been low the last two days and it has been too stormy to walk. As I started to write this I realized that is why I have been down. Walking on the beach centers me. Hopefully it will be better tomorrow. I can see you with little kids running all over the house! And yes Asher is REALLY cute!!!! I feel cheated that all my grandbabies don't get to know me. I love that you create beautiful things. I love you!!!
ReplyDeletelove that you blogged! Asher is so cute. I love that he's dramatic. He's faces, his 0-10 cry, that he fake cries, that he can't hide his opinion of the food he eats. so darling. I feel the same way about yoga everytime I do it. I don't know why i only do it like once a year. everytime i do it, i realize how much happier and peaceful i would be if i did it regularly. i can picture you with lots of little kids, sewing, cooking,playing, etc. = ) i love you.
ReplyDelete